Wishlist

16th November 2010, a couple of weeks to go.

As years before , I'll have my own wishlist.

Dress , watch , mini skirts , cool boots , more dresses , pearl restraints , heels , luxurious lingerie & oh eye patches would be fun too ! ( you can click on the link to see the images , bummer )

For a girl like me , a huge vision for my own wardrobe but with a very tiny bank account to work with , this kinda wishlist is somehow crucial or essential or whatever .

Talking about 'whatever' , you gotta watch this !

Cute ? I know .

I am a Scorpio , poisonous enough , i sting .

Find out more about Scorpio here :

Characteristic

Relationships

Compatibility

To hell with those wishlist . This is the new one .

1. Be better when I am older .

2. Responsibilities is the key word as I am the eldest and I'm turning 19 not 9 .

3. Mummy daddy be back together as they used to .

4. Make me a good, high quality, professional dancer .

5. Learn to say 'no' .

6. Less socialism , know my rights as a girl . Learn the boundaries of mans and womans .

7. Less eating (I am pretty sure this won't work out , teett )

8. Start eating veges . Can't cross this one , I really need to swallow this greeny yuckies for the sake of my lungs . Urghh !

9. A new phone . 

10. Buy a whole lot bigger cage with playground in it for Sushi & Miso , my very dear hamsters .

11. New shoes . 

12. Learn to 'gulp' rumors .

13. What else ? Oh yeah , learn to be nice . Nice , nicer , nicest .

Anddddd thats it !

Oh yeah beanie I really really need you for my party (if i have one) my dear personal photographer !

Bella misses you buddy .

Can't really believe that I'm turning 19 this year . Feels like it was yesterday I was in pinafore , cycling hard to school , hurt my knees , (you are waiting for the part that I'd have cried is it? In your dreams) having letters from secret admires , got presents from strangers , watch movies with classmates , sleepovers , etc etc .

So not ready to be 19 .

Don't Ask Me

Don't ask me why do I love you . I can't explain . Feel it .

I won't say I love you because you're good looking , because of your smile and your voice, the love that you've showed me and every step we take together shows our love.

Put yourself in coma :

With pale face , can I really love you ? No .

You can't smile , can I really love you ? No .

You can't barely talk to me , can I really love you ? No .

Now that you can't move , can you really show me love ? No .

Now that you're in bed , you can't walk , can you really show me our love ? No . 

One thing for sure , I would love you . 

This Is For You Girls Out There

I woke up this morning feeling weird . I woke up at 8 when my class is actually at 12 (now that is weird too) but Miera told me that the class was being cancelled and I should probably go back to sleep because I didn't get the chance to sleep during the 11 hours journey but nah , here I am , blogging instead of sleeping .

Lots of girls tell me they want to be models , and I'm not surprised . On the surface , it looks like a pretty fabulous job .

Cameras clicking , lights all over , the flashes which makes you feel like a superstar .

But if you think that being a model will make you feel better about yourself , you are in for a huge disappointment . The modeling world is the last place I would recommend for a girl with insecurities . There is so much rejection and you're constantly judged on your appearance .

My boyfriend asked me , what are my high heels for & I said it is for work . Thats when I realized that I am not being me at work . If it is the real me , I would go for jeans-tees-slippers & thats it but who would be impressed by just tees ? Morons .

Modeling is about physical beauty . Physical beauty is never the ticket to happiness or confidence . As for the glossy , perfect images ? No beauty product in existence works better than Photoshop !

Hair extension - teeth being straighten - waist has been thinned - 'digital breast implant' - erasing pimple

& wallahhh

A perfect picture .

Beauty is about what's on the outside (style & look) & what's on the inside (the amazing traits that make you 'glow')

To feel truly beautiful , find the balance between inner & outer beauty .

Remember , it is okay not to have the perfect body . Tyra Banks was once fat too !

1. Never blame your body for the bad day that you are having .

2. Stop joining in when your friends compare and trash their own bodies .

3. Quit judging a person solely by how his/her body looks .

4. Notice all the amazing things your body is doing for you every moment you walk , talk , think , breathe .

5. Remind yourself that what you see isn't always what you get on TV * in ads - it takes a lot of airbrushing , dieting , money & work to look like that .

6. Respect your body by feeding it well , working up a sweat when it needs it , & knowing when to give it a break .

7. Know that you are already beautiful just the way you are .

& you'll be fine my darlings !

This entry is not to stop you from living your dreams , if you wanna go for modeling , I'll say go for it (only if you are brave enough to face it) . This entry is for you to feel better about yourself .

PS : Basically this entry is full with Tyra's photos . What to do , I just love her !

Remember me telling you guys that I didn't celebrate raya much ? This is the least that I did . Put on my baju kurung , snap some pictures & I make love with PS3 . I don't have much cousin on my dad's side . I only got 'the soldiers' (eventually they are my cousins but they are more like my brothers) And no matter how much they annoy me , I will always love them . I have come to sense that they love me too much & they will do their best to protect me as their-only-growing-up-sister (well Zahira, your time will come).

This is Abang Hafidz .

Same age but he is older than me by months so still , I gotta respect him . ♥

(ignore my face , i was on fever . No , I am still having fever)

Introducingggggg HAYAD ! Tadaaaa .

This is Abang Fadhli . He keeps all my secret . Thank you . ♥

He will release his album soon , please support their music .

http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100000477211111&ref=search

Thank you .

(& again , ignore my sick face)

Theres Abang Zikri & Asyraf too but I don't have personal pictures with them (its in Abang Fadhli's phone & I forgot to take it from him)

I ♥ you brothers !

Thats all for now . Oh yeah , this is a new fresh picture taken from our BEL class .

This is Taqwim also known as Babi .

(This is the true 'Blood On The Dancefloor' people , HAHAHA)

I bleed almost everyday since the first day of raya . Bleeding nose , theres even blood when I coughed too much .

CONGRATULATIONS BELLA !

Well people , it doesn't matter on what state/mode/sign you are in , do what you want to do today or you might regret of not doing it later . Before its too late ! Trust me on this . Don't just live with your dreams , make it happen , make it real , and make it fastttt !

I would go naked in front of people just to live my dream , whats yours ?

Tell me if you get a chance to be an international supermodel , would you not love that ? And lemme highlight this , SUPERmodel , which brings much difference between me and other Malaysian models .

Think Bella think , go Bella go !

& WHEN I DIDN'T SAY I'LL BE WITH YOU FOREVER

THERES A REASON TO IT

♥

Happy Eid Mubarak

I didn't celebrate this year's Eid Mubarak , at all .

I got a 40 d.c fever & eventually it won't go away .

I was admitted at the hospital on the first night of raya . They dripped me .

And now still , I suffered like hell .

Thank god I have my soldiers around . Thanks brothers.

I asked them to have a wild guess regarding my weight and here are the answers;

Abang Zikri : *He asked me to stand up* 60 !

Abang Fadhli : *With a full throttle confidence* 65 , sah !

Abang Hafidz : Mana ada sampai 65 nii , 60 60 confirm 60.

Asyraf : *While playing Winning Eleven and he glanced at me once* Ahh 63 .

The correct answer is 50 :(

& the conclusion is no more eating after this .

Celebrity , not

First it was Afiq , now it is Aizat .

The celebrity ? I end up laughing on the floor !

I am nowhere near celebrity Aizat , what makes you say so ?

I know you often feel bored so this is a task to kill your boredom ;

Write an essay about 'What makes Bella a celebrity'

Happy writing , good luck !

PS : Do drop by to Aizat's blog , I love the way he writes .

http://froggytheraincaller.blogspot.com/

I took this from Afiq Idrus's blog.

And seriously, "hot damn macam B.W"? You're shitting me right? HAHAHA

*Laughing my fucking ass out*

A GOODBYE LETTER FOR NABILLA ZAHIR

(caption : gile-gile remaje ) :P - this is how we spent our first night together .

(caption : she is so in love with me)

Dear my beloved bitch , nabilla ,

First of all , promise me that you won't cry when reading this entry .

(setting up mood , i played Let go by Archie Star right now - thanks to Zet)

I know this is gonna be hard because I am no longer here to be with you . Distance keeps on being our enemy , we won't be able to sleep together every night , stalking each other's cellphones , gossipping , laughing , walking and hanging out in pavillion and being the centre of attention

I remembered the first time we met , In zet's house . You were wearing snowcap , and the night after the gathering we slept together . You slept in the middle and I told you all my crazy stories about boys - because boys in my life is nothing like the boys in other girls' life . And I taught you how to dance buttons - pussycat dolls . haha . And during the gathering , it's like we're conquering the dancefloor. Orang lain menari poco-poco we both menari club okay :P

I think it would be hard for me because when you're not there with me , I would have no one to cry to , to tell all my woes and happy stories . No one to tell my gossips , well yes maybe I can chat with you via fb or something but it's just won't be the same :(

so please take care of yourself bitch . I will always love you , you are such a great wifey of mine . Please please please don't do anything stupid .

Stop smoking , please stop smoking it's not good for your health . You have lung disease , i understand , I understand how it feels like we you just can't breathe because breathing would kill you that you prefer to die at the time. So yes bitch , stop smoking .

Don't take pills too much . Drugs are never good for your body . Dance if you are stressed up , just dance in the library . I did , I even sang in the library when everyone else is studying .

No more chardonnay in other words , don't take alcohol - I won't be taking jack daniel's anymore as well . Hah , shocked ? Haritu vodka, sekarang Jack Daniel's pulak , kan . teruk betul .

Love yourself before you love somebody else .

Jangan melayan sangat , no more JULIE incident . We were lucky they didn't put us under spell or something that day . Just walk when a stranger tried to make a contact with you . It's dangerous .

I can't take care of you like I did now . So it's up to you sekarang . you're a strong , beautiful bitch so don't lose to anyone else. Stand up on your own feet . If you happen jadi model or celebrity terkenal , don't forget to mention my name - " I would like to thank anne , my beautiful bitch because she 's the one responsible of teaching me how to do sexy poses "

hehe .

And of course , I would seal our kiss on the lips forever :)

(god bella , we should have done some tongue action sekali tau that night. haha )

I love u , bella .

and i for sure will miss you .

SHE DID IT ONCE. Anne wrote this for me before shes off to Melbourne.

SISTERS MADE IN HEAVEN

Dear bella ,

It hurts to see you get hurt and you are not telling me what happened . When things happened the other way round , when I was hurt , when I'm happy , I would go over you and tell everything . It hurts to see you not telling me about your life .

We are best friends , I am here as you best friend please make use of me :)

I know I may not be able to reply straightaway all your messages but i'll try my best.

I've cried to you . I've laughed with you . Although the last time we had a very long conversation was when you were in KL , us in my sister's house in Gombak , we made a video on our "ex-boyfriend' and we danced to Lovegame - I didn't dare to give it to you cuz holy shit i was so damn fat back then HAHA . err it was only early this year wasn't it ?

And you were there when I broke up with Shabil and you were there when I told you I miss ayieq like so effing much .

Please don't make me feel like I'm a bad friend that I was not there when you need someone .

I know you're in love now . Faris Syakirin :) I see you're happy with him .

Now here's the big story , since you said that you're gonna have a boyfriend once I have one . Well , your pray has been granted. I want you to meet my boyfriend soon - oh well I think you've met him already . haha .

So go and get faris syakirin . no point of waiting anymore :)

Please take care of yourself . Please take care of your lungs . Please take care of your life . Please take care of your heart . Please take care of your own feelings .

You never know how much sometimes at night I really wish you were lying down there besides me , and how we could sleep next to each other and tell stories and share secrets till we fall asleep.

I just miss that . I miss hanging out with you . I miss talking to you . I miss how we would share our starbucks , and how some random strangers in KLCC wanna be friends with us . I miss how we annoyed couples in KLCC .

I just miss you , a lot . I just can't explain how much I miss you but I do . And I just can't wait to see you this end of year :)

You're my blackberry wallpaper and you're the reason why I haven't given up on some aspects of life . so thanks to you :)

You're part of me , baby . So do take care of yourself . If something happened to you , it's gonna affect that part of me too .When i lose that part of me , I am not me anymore .

You choose :)

SHE DID IT TWICE. Anne posted this for me.

You made me cry Anne.

So here is one for you (I remember i posted one long entry for you but its in the old blog)

I am so so so happy to see that you have got yourself a boyfriend. And that guy is Raouf, which happens to be one of my closest friends who i spill out my problems to, we have fun hanging around Penang and I know Raouf and you will suit each other the best. You can't even imagine how I screamed at the cyber cafe after seeing your relationship status but to hell all those people, my best friend is in a relationship & I deserve to scream my lungs out!

Don't feel bad about not knowing my problems. You are busy yourself. Remember the most important thing that I've told you.

You are in Melbourne to study, so don't get distracted with other things.

I can see that you are busy, I don't wanna burden you with my problems.

One thing that you have to know, I'm all grown up (maybe), I'll learn to settle things on my own.

I know you will take all the time that's needed, no matter what time of the day, to listen to my problems and give me the best advice. Thank you for that.

Remember when we hugged each other for the last time, and I cried. Thats when I realized parts of me had flew away. But nah, she went away for good so I can't cry much.

I'd be like 'Oh Anne please come down to Malaysia now' when I'm stuck with problems. Nobody understands me like you do yet you are too far, I mean wayyyyyy too far. & thats when I learn to be independent. I learn to keep all the feelings to myself. I learn to give fake smiles.

I learned so much from you. LRT, poses for my photo shoots, etc etc. I missed having noworries-laughlikehell-gocrazy kinda fun with you.

Remember when I started lighting a cigarette at KLCC and you laughed and said, 'Refreshment?' and the next minute you started nagging and asking me to stop smoking. Well congratulations nagger, I've stopped smoking for real this time. :)

Theres a lot of unhealthy competition here in UiTM, and for some competition, I didn't even know my name was in the list. You know like, the hottie and the not, the popularity rating. I swear I don't need any of that but somehow I was in it and rumors are everywhere and thats when I wish (Yet again I wished too much) you are here, stand up for me, telling the bitches to stop because you know how I do and I don't want any of this then you spill some coke up on their head and we laugh and go watch movies. How I wish (I am wishing, again) life is that simple!

And about my relationship.

You remember I got spelled last semester? I can't even eat and I'll end up throwing up in the toilet.

Thats what I get when relationships didn't work well for me.

Thats when my mum told me not to get into any serious relationship.

And yeah, I was thinking of the same thing, its the unbearable pain that I can't take twice.

Its not like my partner will do spells on me when we broke up or what, its the third person that keeps me worrying.

I am human, I need love and to be loved as well but things like this has got me destructed.

I gotta be totally heartless when sometimes I cant hide the feeling of loving somebody.

Poor me.

Come back soon, I'll tell you each and every story in detail.

Lets go eat pancakes! :D

I ♥ you 64 (6 letters for DAYANG, 4 letters for ANNE) You can start calling me 54!

Till we meet again.

This guy touches my heart with his sincerity, thanks Hakim :)
And this disease is not for you to make it as a point of discussion or a thesis statement or whatever you call it.
So guys, enjoy youth while you can, while it lasts.

Took this from Atiqah's blog. I hate my current voice. It sounded like 'The Fray'. I thought I messed up my presentation but thank god it went well! ♥